What a triggering title. I’m almost afraid to write this post, which is why it must be written! Anyhow, this thought (of me fearing happiness) flashed across my mind the other day. I was thinking about how many great blessings I have in my life, yet how I feel a constant worry or anxiety beneath it all. Through some self-reflection, this is how I’ve come to explain it.
I think I somehow developed this habit or fear of getting too excited about something because I had this misconception that if I actually felt happiness, then it would soon be followed by a crash or something bad happening.
You know the quote, “what goes up must come down” and vice versa. I suppose this is a comforting thought when you’re down in the dumps because then you know it’ll only get better from there. But somehow my mind played tricks on me and got me to believe that if I accepted being on a high / being at the top of that curve / being happy, then I would be caught off guard and surprised by some tragic event.
And since I didn’t want anything terrible to happen, I never allowed myself to be happy for sustained periods of time and to finally relax into that happiness. I can only describe it as being hesitant to be happy.
Even recognizing this fear of happiness has helped me acknowledge and move past this unhealthy thought. When you can become conscious of what’s going on and can realize how silly a thought actually is, then you can rebuttal it.
And in this case, when I catch myself falling into this habit or coming up with unnecessary things to worry about or feel bad about, then I can respond to myself with: “No. That isn’t a problem. And it’s okay to be happy.” Usually this thought will be followed by a deep breath to relax into the feeling of “everything will be okay.”
It’s almost like giving yourself permission to be happy. And no one can give this to us except ourselves.
What do you think? Have you ever got stuck in this type of mentality before?
Related Articles:
Asking for Permission
Age Pressure
Feeling Guilty for Having the Opportunity to Chase My Dreams
My Documentary:
Finding What’s Real (watch on YouTube)