life lessons

I Almost Didn’t Go On a Honeymoon

December 19, 2019 By Kat

This year, Vince and I got married! Wedding planning was a process, to say the least. And because the wedding took up so much time and a big chunk of change, we were thinking about delaying our honeymoon. We were going to save up money to do a big trip later and do a small trip right after the wedding. We considered going somewhere nearby in California – nothing that we were too excited about but it was financially smart.

That was the plan until I was having dinner with some college friends (shoutout to Tina and Wendi). They have been married for awhile already. They asked why we weren’t doing our honeymoon yet and then strongly encouraged us to reconsider.

One of the chief reasons being that if we didn’t go now, we may never plan to go. And that life would catch up with us after the wedding, and we wouldn’t be able to get back to that special moment of being newlyweds.

Another reason we hesitated to go was work. We both had work and it wasn’t the exact opportune time to take a long vacation.

Now the nuances will be different for every couple and will depend on your financial situation.

But here’s the thing that my friends helped me see: there will never be the perfect time to take a vacation. And in your mind, you will always come up with reasons not to go, whether it’s money, time, or work schedule.

They weren’t suggesting it had to be big or expensive or even a long vacation. But they recommended a honeymoon for us two to celebrate and spend some quality time together.

After thinking about it long and hard, I allowed myself to think about “What if we went on an actual honeymoon?” and “What if we went on a trip to a place we had always dreamed of going to?” It felt so weird to allow myself to imagine that type of grand possibility. And then the barriers to make it actually happen started to fall.

We started to figure out how we could make our work schedules work. We started to figure out how we could afford to go on the trip – including using a bunch of free travel points from our credit cards. The more we started seriously considering and planning for it, the more excited we both got. It became something we both really looked forward to – especially when things in the wedding planning process got stressful.

So in the end, we did go on a honeymoon. It was 2 weeks in Europe – Paris, Barcelona, Rome, and London. We went from not having any honeymoon plans to a full-blown European vacation. And yes it was an investment, but it created the most priceless memories as we started our new life together.

Being over there, it was breathtaking how beautiful the sights and cities were. It was inspiring, refreshing, and just created so much joy. It was time for him and I to just be with each other without outside distractions. We woke up each day and indulged in life, eating and doing whatever our hearts desired. There are no regrets in going, and I am so grateful for my friends who encouraged us to go.

So as the holidays are approaching, this is my message for you.

It is tempting to keep working through the holidays, to catch up on what hasn’t been finished yet, and try to cram in some more to-do list items before the end of the year. But like my business coach said, it’s important to take those breaks during the year – to go on vacation and recharge, especially when everyone else is on vacation.

So take a break. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or long, but step back from your crazy everyday life and do something for you. Do something that fills you up with so much joy because that joy is something we can forget to prioritize in our busy days. And those far off dreams we always wished to experience one day can actually be a lot closer than we think. Jump while you have the chance. Live when you still have a breath.

The Biggest Mistake

January 3, 2019 By Kat

I think the biggest mistake we can make in our lifetime is to think that we don’t matter. The mistake of diminishing ourselves and feeling like “oh if I don’t show up, it won’t matter. No one will even notice that I’m not there.”

In the past, I doubted myself and if my presence somewhere was even useful or not. I was hard on myself because sometimes I didn’t say much or feel like I was contributing much. But you know what? I realized how just “showing up” is enough. You don’t need to be the life of the party, you don’t need to be the best storyteller in the room or make everyone laugh. You just need to show up. Even having positive vibes already boosts the energy level of the whole room.

In building my business and sharing my journey, at times I felt like I was creating blogposts and videos that were disappearing into the void, like I had no idea whether anyone was reading it or getting any value from it. But in those moments of self-doubt, people would come along and give me a nudge. They would tell me that I matter, that my voice, my work, and my creativity matter. And that would help me stand a little taller and realize that what I do matters, and that I shall continue moving forward. So to all those people who kept reminding me of this, thank you from bottom of my heart.

And hence, I wanted to pass along that message to you. You matter. Your voice matters. Your life matters. Your choices matter. And your happiness matters. If it’s hard for you to grasp, I would say that’s normal. But my hope for you is that you eventually come to believe it with your whole heart. It’s an ongoing work in progress for me as well.

Many people don’t realize how much of an impact they have on others around them. They diminish their impact on their circle of influence – friends, family, work, community, etc.. They feel quite small about themselves or don’t allow themselves to fully dream about what their biggest and most powerful life could be. They don’t realize how much light they would shed on others if they stepped into their fullest and best selves.

Two Takeaways

So if you see potential in someone, let them know what you see in them and let them know they matter. I can’t fully express how good it feels when you feel seen in this way.

Second, and probably even harder, acknowledge that you matter. It feels egotistical and self-centered to feel like your life matters, but it’s true. And when we believe that about ourselves, then we start to act in a way like our life has purpose, that we are worth investing in ourselves and worth taking care of. And in nourishing our body and soul, we start to come alive.

“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.”
– Ferdinand Foch

Two Types of Discipline

December 7, 2018 By Kat

As an entrepreneur, it’s so hard to be the boss of yourself. You work on something for a goal or deadline, but you’re also the one setting the deadline on yourself, so you can just as easily change it. With better tools, I’m learning to manage myself better, and I came to realize that there’s 2 types of discipline in this world.

Discipline Out of Fear

This is the type of discipline I grew up with. Being in an Asian household, there are strict expectations to study hard and do well in school. In school, there is pressure to do well on homework and exams, otherwise you could *gasp* get a bad grade. School turns into the myriad of college entrance exams and college applications where the constant driver is to do well otherwise *gasp* you may not get into a “good college.” The pressure doesn’t let up in college either. You vie for good grades otherwise you may not get a “good job.” And once you land in a good job, there’s the fear of getting a bad performance review or disappointing someone who’s a higher-up, so you work and work. It’s really a culture of fear that we’re brought up in. And it’s quite toxic because we do things because we’re afraid of disappointing others or bringing shame onto ourselves. We fall prey into thinking that if we can’t do something, it may reveal that we’re incompetent or not good enough.

All this to say, I got very good at being disciplined out of fear. I could crank through lots of work and memorize my way through a class to remember the content long enough to pass a test and then forget it afterwards. I was able to pull through on an extremely challenging deadline by sacrificing my own health and well-being, but it was for a good pat on the back or a good grade / performance review.

But when I left the normal world of formal education / corporate America, I found it very hard to get things done because I had operated so long on discipline out of fear. Sure, I was afraid of failing at my business or being embarrassed that I couldn’t meet a goal that I had announced publicly on social media. But that fear wasn’t enough to get me out of bed and to the gym, and taking care of myself, and doing the hard work of building a business every day.

I learned that I needed a different type of discipline.

Discipline Out of Love

I’m starting to learn that there’s a new source of energy, a new source of motivation which is much more boundless than fear. It is doing things out of love. You can be disciplined in your work and show up raring to go every day because you love it so much. You’re so pumped to make progress towards a dream that puts you on Cloud 9 just thinking about it. You can be disciplined in how you take care of yourself – exercise and eating healthy because nourishing your body feels good to you.

Here’s another way to put it. You can eat healthy because you fear dying early or getting some incurable disease. Or you can eat healthy because it feels good in your body and gives you energy.

For a long time, it felt weird to do things out of love, especially out of love for myself. But when you do things that make you feel good, or find a way to make something feel good (finding a form of exercise you really like), then you are much more willing to stick with the consistency of discipline because it feels great each time.

I also had a mental block on this because sometimes “feeling good” in our society is labeled as indulgent or short-sighted or irresponsible. We’re conditioned to expect that we need to suffer in the short-term for a happy future. But actually self-inflicted suffering just cripples our energy and enthusiasm for life. So I call BS on that. I think “feeling good” is a good thing, and we should pursue more of it, in a healthy way of course.

Instead of doing things out of obligation, I continually challenge myself to do things out of love for myself, love for others, or love for my work. It’s definitely a mind shift, but I think one that will ultimately change the course of my life.

What mode are you operating in these days?

Lessons Learned from 30-Day Podcast Challenge

August 7, 2018 By Kat

I finished my 30-Day Podcast Challenge! It all started on a really hot day when I was sitting in my car in a parking lot in downtown San Jose. I had time to kill before my meeting, so I hit the record button and recorded my first episode.

I released it and committed to a goal of recording 1 podcast episode per day for 30 days. I wanted to try out podcasting as a platform, and I felt like a 30-Day Challenge was a quick way to see if I liked it or not.

Caveat: I started the challenge on June 1 and completed it on July 25, so it took me 55 days to create 30 episodes, but better late than never! I skipped some days or was too tired on other days, but nevertheless, I powered through and completed it!

Amassing a large number of subscribers was never a primary goal, I wanted to have zero expectations for my podcast, so I am pleasantly surprised that I have some listeners! Thank you, you know who you are!! I don’t mind sharing my analytics – everyone starts off with humble beginnings – so here are they are:

If you’re interested in doing your podcast, check out my earlier post on How to Start a Podcast. My friend Orlando mentioned he’s interested in doing a podcast now too, yay! It makes me super excited that I can encourage folks to do a podcast too and get their voice out there! 😀

Now to the main point of my blogpost. Here are the lessons learned from completing 30 episodes of my podcast:

1. Done is better than not done

I’ve always struggled with perfection, spending hours proofreading my blog posts and editing YouTube videos. When recording these podcasts in the Anchor app, you can’t edit individual audio segments. In cases like these, having limited functionality in an app is great! When I was recording, if I didn’t like the direction that I was going in, or I had a very long pause, then I would stop / delete the recording, and restart again. My episodes were around 5 minutes long, so that was one continuous audio recording. I learned to be okay with brief pauses or tiny stumbles because I didn’t want to record from the beginning again. This process could take me anywhere from 5 minutes to 30 mins to do an episode – much less time than doing a blogpost or YouTube video. Having a quick”win” by publishing an episode also gave me a high and a sense of accomplishment to keep me motivated to move onto my next work task during the day.

2. Having a podcast gives me a chance to practice speaking

I got lots of practice “public speaking” on my podcast. Technically I was talking into a phone by myself, but later other people would listen the podcast episode, so I would say it is somewhat like public speaking. I usually don’t like having the spotlight on me. Even in a 1:1 setting, sometimes I won’t know what to say, so I’ll redirect the focus onto the other person by asking them a question. Doing that habit over the course of my life means that I’m not used to having lots of blank space to fill with my own words. By having a one-woman podcast (monologue style), in a way, I was forced to fill the blank void and verbally express my thoughts and feelings. Over the 30 episodes, I noticed (and other people noticed), that I started to stutter / stumble / pause less. Hooray for progress! Now I do find it easier to talk on YouTube videos when I’ve had recent and consistent practice of doing my podcast.

3. When I admit my weaknesses or struggles, I feel less burdened by them

Through podcasting, I found an outlet for me to be pretty raw and vulnerable but in a safe way. It is scary to put myself out there, but with audio only, it’s a little easier. Maybe it’s because people can’t see me that I feel a little safer. Regardless, I’ve found podcasting as a place to open up and chat. Sometimes I ramble. Sometimes I talk about things that inspire me. Sometimes I talk about things that confuse me, or things that I’m not very good at (i.e. cooking), or the life skills I’m still working on (i.e. remembering to eat 3 meals a day). But in admitting all these imperfect sides of me, it gives me relief that I don’t have to hold up the mask of perfection of having it all together – because that is just tiring to keep up. And interestingly enough, once I admit these things publicly on my podcast, I feel that I’ve acknowledged/ accepted it as a part of me. Then I can take a deep breath and move onto other things.

WHAT’S NEXT

I’m sure there are more lessons that I’ve learned, but those will continue to unfold over time. I will continue creating podcast episodes because it brings me many positive feelings and benefits as mentioned above. But I probably won’t be publishing on a daily timeline. I’m happy to do it at my own pace, when I feel like I have something to share.

If you’re curious to check out my podcast, search for “What Kat Found Out” in your favorite podcast player or listen here: https://anchor.fm/katkuan

Have you thought about creating your own podcast? If so, what topic are you thinking of?