Reflections

I Almost Didn’t Go On a Honeymoon

December 19, 2019 By Kat

This year, Vince and I got married! Wedding planning was a process, to say the least. And because the wedding took up so much time and a big chunk of change, we were thinking about delaying our honeymoon. We were going to save up money to do a big trip later and do a small trip right after the wedding. We considered going somewhere nearby in California – nothing that we were too excited about but it was financially smart.

That was the plan until I was having dinner with some college friends (shoutout to Tina and Wendi). They have been married for awhile already. They asked why we weren’t doing our honeymoon yet and then strongly encouraged us to reconsider.

One of the chief reasons being that if we didn’t go now, we may never plan to go. And that life would catch up with us after the wedding, and we wouldn’t be able to get back to that special moment of being newlyweds.

Another reason we hesitated to go was work. We both had work and it wasn’t the exact opportune time to take a long vacation.

Now the nuances will be different for every couple and will depend on your financial situation.

But here’s the thing that my friends helped me see: there will never be the perfect time to take a vacation. And in your mind, you will always come up with reasons not to go, whether it’s money, time, or work schedule.

They weren’t suggesting it had to be big or expensive or even a long vacation. But they recommended a honeymoon for us two to celebrate and spend some quality time together.

After thinking about it long and hard, I allowed myself to think about “What if we went on an actual honeymoon?” and “What if we went on a trip to a place we had always dreamed of going to?” It felt so weird to allow myself to imagine that type of grand possibility. And then the barriers to make it actually happen started to fall.

We started to figure out how we could make our work schedules work. We started to figure out how we could afford to go on the trip – including using a bunch of free travel points from our credit cards. The more we started seriously considering and planning for it, the more excited we both got. It became something we both really looked forward to – especially when things in the wedding planning process got stressful.

So in the end, we did go on a honeymoon. It was 2 weeks in Europe – Paris, Barcelona, Rome, and London. We went from not having any honeymoon plans to a full-blown European vacation. And yes it was an investment, but it created the most priceless memories as we started our new life together.

Being over there, it was breathtaking how beautiful the sights and cities were. It was inspiring, refreshing, and just created so much joy. It was time for him and I to just be with each other without outside distractions. We woke up each day and indulged in life, eating and doing whatever our hearts desired. There are no regrets in going, and I am so grateful for my friends who encouraged us to go.

So as the holidays are approaching, this is my message for you.

It is tempting to keep working through the holidays, to catch up on what hasn’t been finished yet, and try to cram in some more to-do list items before the end of the year. But like my business coach said, it’s important to take those breaks during the year – to go on vacation and recharge, especially when everyone else is on vacation.

So take a break. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or long, but step back from your crazy everyday life and do something for you. Do something that fills you up with so much joy because that joy is something we can forget to prioritize in our busy days. And those far off dreams we always wished to experience one day can actually be a lot closer than we think. Jump while you have the chance. Live when you still have a breath.

The Moment of Inspiration

August 29, 2019 By Kat

I think we all have creative and spontaneous ideas that would be SO COOL if we just had the courage to go for them.

In recent years, I can recall very strong moments of inspiration where I felt called to create or write or draw or say something. The inspiration is so strong that it almost feels real. It feels within reaching distance. It feels within my abilities of that day, of that moment. It feels like THIS THING MUST HAPPEN. How could it not happen?? I must make it happen!

Life Happens

Despite this very strong urge or calling or nudge (which can last for hours or days sometimes), I end up getting distracted. There are things on my TODO list that are of higher importance or higher urgency. Something else is on fire. It must be taken care of first before I sit down to focus and go off into imagination land with my creative muscles.

So reluctantly, I take care of the tasks that need to be done to keep my life running, while in the back of my mind, I’d rather be working on my cool idea. Then life creeps in, the way it always does. Commitments come up. It’s time to sleep. It’s time to wake up. It’s time to cook a meal, but wait I need groceries first. Then I need to fill up on gas, and etc…

The energy and excitement of that idea just gradually dissipates. The idea doesn’t seem as urgent. The idea seems too fanciful. The idea seems like it can wait. The energy dies down to practically zero – where it becomes an idea shelved in the back of your mind as something you never got to because you were too “busy.”

Even if you did finally have a breather from all your tasks to clear some free time to work on your idea, you would probably get too antsy sitting down with a blank page. You’d find something else to distract yourself with – looking for a snack, cleaning up the house, laundry, etc…

These are all the ways we avoid working on our ideas.

Ideas Look for Human Bodies

From reading the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (the acclaimed Eat, Pray, Love author), she talks about how these ideas float around from person to person looking for someone to carry it out in tangible form in the real world.

For example, she talked about a very specific book idea and storyline that came to her. She was going to write it out because it was so clear in her mind. For some reason, she didn’t have a chance to write it. Then over time, the idea became less and less important to her. After a while, she forgets about the idea. Then out of nowhere, another author pops up with this published book with the eerily SAME storyline.

By tracing back the timeline with this author, she realizes that the idea magically tried to come to her to be written, but when Elizabeth didn’t take action on it, the idea floated over to some other lady who did end up taking action on it. Hence, if you don’t act on the idea, the idea will probably get executed by someone else.

The Time to Act

That’s why it’s so important to act on that moment of inspiration – to just get up and start working on it. It’s a bad idea to sit there and start contemplating the pros and cons of whether you should take action or not. Overthinking the idea gives your ego room to discount the idea and rationalize why you shouldn’t act on it. So, no questions asked, go act on it and see what happens.

I wish I could say that I act on my ideas so perfectly every time, but of course, that’s not the case. But I wanted to write this article as a reminder to myself and all of you that those moments of inspiration are so important, yet so fleeting. So best to act when these magical moments descend upon you.

What an idea that’s been nagging at you?

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Fearing Happiness

August 20, 2019 By Kat

What a triggering title. I’m almost afraid to write this post, which is why it must be written! Anyhow, this thought (of me fearing happiness) flashed across my mind the other day. I was thinking about how many great blessings I have in my life, yet how I feel a constant worry or anxiety beneath it all. Through some self-reflection, this is how I’ve come to explain it.

I think I somehow developed this habit or fear of getting too excited about something because I had this misconception that if I actually felt happiness, then it would soon be followed by a crash or something bad happening.

You know the quote, “what goes up must come down” and vice versa. I suppose this is a comforting thought when you’re down in the dumps because then you know it’ll only get better from there. But somehow my mind played tricks on me and got me to believe that if I accepted being on a high / being at the top of that curve / being happy, then I would be caught off guard and surprised by some tragic event.

And since I didn’t want anything terrible to happen, I never allowed myself to be happy for sustained periods of time and to finally relax into that happiness. I can only describe it as being hesitant to be happy.

Even recognizing this fear of happiness has helped me acknowledge and move past this unhealthy thought. When you can become conscious of what’s going on and can realize how silly a thought actually is, then you can rebuttal it.

And in this case, when I catch myself falling into this habit or coming up with unnecessary things to worry about or feel bad about, then I can respond to myself with: “No. That isn’t a problem. And it’s okay to be happy.” Usually this thought will be followed by a deep breath to relax into the feeling of “everything will be okay.”

It’s almost like giving yourself permission to be happy. And no one can give this to us except ourselves.

What do you think? Have you ever got stuck in this type of mentality before?

My Documentary:
Finding What’s Real (watch on YouTube)

The Questions You Ask

August 2, 2019 By Kat

I’ve been fortunate to have some great coffee / phone chats with people of different backgrounds, age ranges, and industries.

From these conversations, I made an observation that I wanted to share with you for when you are networking with people.

Depending on your background experiences, you may sometimes feel intimidated by the other person. Perhaps they have many more years of experience than you, and you feel like you have nothing to offer them. But what I’ve realized that you can always add value to a conversation by the questions you ask.

I think a great conversation is fueled by great questions, positive energy, and connection. I would describe a great question as something that provokes the other person to think deeply or in a new way.

If the other person is currently struggling with a challenge in their life, maybe you don’t have the answer or expertise to advise them on a solution. But you can always prompt them with questions that help them get closer to the answer.

Asking good questions is a great way to form a bond with someone because you’re not preaching advice to them (which they probably don’t need to hear anyways). It’s encouraging them to self-reflect and come to a conclusion on their own. It’s more like looking at a problem together, instead of pretending to have all the answers for them or trying to fix a problem for them.

It’s a more empathetic way to build a relationship because it emphasizes listening carefully and responding in a supportive way.

What do you think?

Slowing Down to Speed Up

January 15, 2019 By Kat

I used to have a tendency to live life a million miles a minute. If there was a blank spot in my calendar, where I wasn’t physically meeting someone, I would fill it up with something else. I didn’t account for driving to/from places, and I didn’t account for being tired from going to an event or driving somewhere farther away. So I would pile in many things into my schedule for a single day, and when that day came, as I was rushing from place to place, I would get so tired and wonder why I agreed to all of those things in the first place.

For awhile now, I’ve been working on slowing down my life. Although my mind is very curious and wants to try and experience all these great things, it’s hard for my body to keep up. I realize that scheduling so many things into my calendar wasn’t giving me time to rest or even sit down and breathe. And I needed that alone time to process what just happened or to think about what I wanted to do next.

Having such a full schedule also robs us of the chance for spontaneity in life. On one hand, having a full day of plans already booked is great and time-efficient, but on the other hand, there’s something wonderfully glorious about a blank day with nothing on the calendar. I love those types of days because they are full of possibilities and full of surprises and joy.

I’m not saying that we should just slow down to a sloth’s pace and be couch potatoes for life. I just believe that slowing down to rest helps us get back out there and do our work at a much faster pace. By recharging (before we burn out), we can re-energize and be productive, and then go back to resting – like a sinusoidal curve.

When we slow down, we become more intentional with our time. We may realize that certain things cause us stress or anxiety, so we can adjust or remove those things from our schedule. Then we can have more energy for things that we want to focus on – for that particular time in our life. And the things we want to focus on will also change over time like a sinusoidal curve. There are seasons of life where we focus more heavily on career, then we focus more on health, then family/friends, then back to career, etc..

So in a world where “being busy” can sometimes be a status symbol, I am rejecting that notion. To me, not being busy is a luxury. We don’t need to fill up all our time with activities. We don’t have to be 100% productive all the time. We don’t have to do everything we’ve ever wanted to try in this immediate moment. Instead of cramming 10 things into 1 day, we could aim to do 3 things slowly and but enjoy them in the process.

What speed are you operating at these days?

It is a mistake to think that moving fast is the same as actually going somewhere.”
Steve Goodier

The Biggest Mistake

January 3, 2019 By Kat

I think the biggest mistake we can make in our lifetime is to think that we don’t matter. The mistake of diminishing ourselves and feeling like “oh if I don’t show up, it won’t matter. No one will even notice that I’m not there.”

In the past, I doubted myself and if my presence somewhere was even useful or not. I was hard on myself because sometimes I didn’t say much or feel like I was contributing much. But you know what? I realized how just “showing up” is enough. You don’t need to be the life of the party, you don’t need to be the best storyteller in the room or make everyone laugh. You just need to show up. Even having positive vibes already boosts the energy level of the whole room.

In building my business and sharing my journey, at times I felt like I was creating blogposts and videos that were disappearing into the void, like I had no idea whether anyone was reading it or getting any value from it. But in those moments of self-doubt, people would come along and give me a nudge. They would tell me that I matter, that my voice, my work, and my creativity matter. And that would help me stand a little taller and realize that what I do matters, and that I shall continue moving forward. So to all those people who kept reminding me of this, thank you from bottom of my heart.

And hence, I wanted to pass along that message to you. You matter. Your voice matters. Your life matters. Your choices matter. And your happiness matters. If it’s hard for you to grasp, I would say that’s normal. But my hope for you is that you eventually come to believe it with your whole heart. It’s an ongoing work in progress for me as well.

Many people don’t realize how much of an impact they have on others around them. They diminish their impact on their circle of influence – friends, family, work, community, etc.. They feel quite small about themselves or don’t allow themselves to fully dream about what their biggest and most powerful life could be. They don’t realize how much light they would shed on others if they stepped into their fullest and best selves.

Two Takeaways

So if you see potential in someone, let them know what you see in them and let them know they matter. I can’t fully express how good it feels when you feel seen in this way.

Second, and probably even harder, acknowledge that you matter. It feels egotistical and self-centered to feel like your life matters, but it’s true. And when we believe that about ourselves, then we start to act in a way like our life has purpose, that we are worth investing in ourselves and worth taking care of. And in nourishing our body and soul, we start to come alive.

“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.”
– Ferdinand Foch

Why Life is like Leaning In For a First Kiss

October 11, 2018 By Kat

THE FIRST KISS

In the movie Hitch, Will Smith plays a dating coach named Hitch, who teaches guys how to win over the woman of their dreams. It’s a fun romantic comedy, and there’s a scene where Hitch is teaching Albert about the art of the first kiss. Hilarious clip here.

They talk about the 90-10 rule, where Hitch says, “The secret to a kiss is to go 90% of the way, and then hold… Hold for as long as it takes, for her to come the other 10.”

Hitch explains that most guys make the mistake of going all in, at 100%, while his technique makes the girl work for it. With his move, the guy should be so irresistible that the girl leans in at least 10% for the first kiss.

LIFE LESSON

I think of this scene as an analogy for life, except we are the ones receiving the kiss, and we have to go the 10%.

I think about this a lot because I feel like life is giving me all these signs. First of all I have to be observant about them – or be quiet / reflective enough to realize these signs. The signs can include: go talk to this person, or go to this event, or write / create a video about this topic. There’s all these things that I get hinted about. And I write them down, but sometimes I don’t have time to get to them. Or maybe I get too intimidated and don’t want to follow up on them. But then we don’t get the results we’re hoping for.

ENTREPRENEUR

I think the mistaken belief I had as a new author and new entrepreneur was that good things would just come to me automatically – at 100%. I believed that they would just land in my lap.

What I’ve realized over the last year is that we must take that 10% step to meet life halfway – or not even halfway. Life already brings good things into our life, but we still need to take initiative to grasp them and make them ours.

For example, life will plant a seed in my mind about a certain event to go to. It may be through the form of an email in my inbox about the event, or it may come up when talking to someone. Then my curiosity is piqued. Then it’s me to register for the event on time, and then to get dressed and show up to the event. Life / fate / God can’t magically transport me to the event. I have to put in the effort to get myself to the event. What ends up happening is I meet someone new or something positive happens, and I’m glad I went!

SELF-DOUBT HOLDS US BACK

What makes the process difficult is that sometimes we’re tired and we don’t want to take that step towards our goals, or sometimes we’re too overwhelmed by self-doubt. For scarier opportunities that require more visibility, we may feel like we’re not ready for them and we’d rather hide in the shadows than be seen.

So I think sometimes our mind will rationalize all these excuses and try to talk ourselves OUT of going.

COMMITTMENT

And I think that’s where commitment comes in. Being committed enough to our dreams and goals, means that we are willing to do whatever it takes to seize each opportunity as it comes.

Because unlike the first kiss strategy, “the guy” or “the opportunity” won’t always wait forever. Sometimes the opportunity is only available for a limited time window, and then disappears. And all you get left with is regret for not acting soon enough.

I feel the tides are turning. I’m realizing the signs that God has given me, and that it’s really my choice and responsibility to act on them. Some days, He will give me wonderful surprises all the way, but I think He wants me to work for it and to learn what’s really involved in building a successful business from the ground up. There’s a long road ahead and I’m going to need lots of bravery and guts.

I’m going to say it here, so I am publicly accountable: Regardless of my doubts and fears, I commit to leaning in to life. Hurrah!

Thanks for reading. XOXO

Is there a time in your life where an opportunity came up and you had to lean in to accept it?

Favorite Song Lyrics

July 24, 2018 By Kat

I love music. It lifts my mood. It awakens my spirit. It makes me feel my own strength when I belt out a tune (albeit off key). It makes me feel more connected to others. It makes me feel like there are words to express myself.

But I realized that I lack the ability to hear lyrics when I listen to a song. I will know certain phrases or verses to sing along, but for the most part I don’t actually know what they’re saying or what the meaning is behind the song. And to clarify, these are all songs in English, my native and only language LOL. It baffles my boyfriend, who can clearly hear all the lyrics and understand what the song is about.

It’s probably because I don’t listen closely enough. I just want to sit back and enjoy the tunes!

With that said, I’ve found that there are certain lines of songs that just resonate with me, which is why I wanted to share them in this blogpost. I love those parts – even if I can’t relate to the rest of the song. So here are those isolated lines!

“Guess I never dared to know myself”
Hailee Steinfield, BloodPop – Capital Letters

“When will my reflection show who I am inside?”
Christina Aguilera – Reflection

“I’ve looked for love in every stranger”
Selena Gomez, Marshmello – Wolves

“I’ve been quiet for too long”
Marshmello ft. Khalid – Silence

“Listen to the song here in my heart”
Beyoncé – Listen

“I will be the strongest that he ever knew”
Ina Wroldsen – Strongest

“I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me”
Alan Walker, Keala Settle, The Greatest Showman Ensemble – This is Me

Are there any lines of songs that you love?